


Under the Snowfall

by DameGlammer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No happy ending lmfao, Sickfic, Slow Burn, okay im sorry, theyre both emotional wrecks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26216491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DameGlammer/pseuds/DameGlammer
Summary: “Why are you saying sorry? It’s okay, Hinata,” Sugawara went to his side and rubbed circles on his back.“Be—because I can’t,” Hinata’s lips quiver, his voice trembling. He struggled to get the words out. Everyone’s gaze felt like it was leaving a burn on his skin. “I can’t play volleyball anymore.”Hinata learns to watch by the sideline. Kageyama learns what it means to spend the first snowfall with someone you love. And they both realize how much time slows down and picks up its pace again depending who you’re with.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

“Oi, get your head in the game!” Kageyama exclaimed viciously with the same tone he always used on Hinata. “What’s wrong with you today?”

“I— sorry, I don’t,” Hinata stuttered out. Kageyama stopped his nagging when he saw the spiker’s face. Frozen in guilt. The last time he saw that expression was when they lost to Johsai. “Give the ball to me again.”

Hinata looked at his hand, baffled. It’s been the upteenth time that this has happened. It’s not like he was practicing something new or experimenting during their practice, so why can’t he feel the ball against his palm? There was something different today. 

“Maybe you’re the problem,” Hinata snapped. Kageyama was taken aback but eventually registers what the orange-haired boy said to him. Hinata regretted the words that left his mouth when Kageyama’s glare started to become like daggers ready for the kill. What made him say that?

“Are you serious? I’m doing fine,” he spat out. “You on the other hand, have been missing the ball several times now. Swallow that pride of yours and admit that you’re the one messing up.”

“Hey,” both teens looked at their team captain who was glowering at them. “You two better zip it. We’re practicing right now, pour your energy into that.”

“Daichi-san,” Sugawara intervened. “I think Hinata should take a break. He doesn’t look well to me.”

“Huh? But why me?” Hinata pouted. “Please don’t put me in time-out.” 

“Hinata it’s not like that at all,” Sugawara put his hand on Hinata’s shoulder to comfort him. “You just seem like out of the zone today. If we have you further in the practice well— we know what happened last time you and Kageyama had a serious fight.”

Almost everyone halted their practice because of the exchange happening before them. Even Tsukishima who was usually unbothered by the bickering of the two lent an ear to the conversation between Hinata and Sugawara. To their surprise, Hinata clenched his fist and looked down at his feet. There was no trace of the usually high-spirited boy that would attend the practice until the sun goes down. Kageyama seemed guilty for once for shouting at Hinata, their usual bicker didn’t get on his nerves but this time it was different. 

“Fine, I’ll head out for a while,” Hinata said nothing more than a whisper. 

He took small, slow steps outside the court, drowning out the sounds of his teammates as they started practicing again. Tsukishima made one of his remarks about Kageyama acting like “the king” again but he didn’t bother to catch the rest of his insult as he went outside and rested his back against the wall. 

A ball rolled its way outside of the door and Hinata stopped it from further getting away with his foot. He took it with his hands and practiced alone, doing the usual routine that he showed Natsu before. It took a while before the steam of anger finally cooled down inside of him but after that he spiraled down a train of thought filled with paranoia. 

Stupid Kageyama and his stupid face. What if today wasn’t his only bad day? What if he slowly goes to a descent of not being able to spike like he used to? What’s happening to him? 

He shook his head and bit the insides of his cheeks. People always saw them as a duo. He knows that. Every time they’d be able to execute a quick-attack— the move that only they can do in their team— people always applauded the both of them. He wasn’t a threat if Kageyama wasn’t there at the other end of the court. But why does he feel like he’s getting left behind lately? 

It was him who wasn’t invited to any training camp after their game against Shiratorizawa. It was him who had to sneak into the training camp that Tsukishima was in and work hard as a ball boy. It was him who had to prove his worth every time someone sees him appointed as a middle blocker for the team. Countless times he’s worked hard to do those things but people always underestimated him. And the way Kageyama looked at him a while ago, it was as if he was easily replaceable. 

“Oi, Hinat—“

“Bakayama! I hate you!” Hinata screamed and threw the ball with vigor at Kageyama’s face. The setter wasn’t able to react in time and took the hit. “I’m not replaceable!”

Kageyama growled, his blood boiling and he was so close to beating up the smaller boy until he saw Hinata crying. He was glaring at the same time tears were going down his face. Hinata’s fists were clenched and his nails were digging hard against his palms. He sniffled and let out a choked sob. Before Kageyama could respond out of his shock, Hinata ran away from him and started to mount his bike. 

Kageyama could only stare at the smaller boy’s back as he rushed to get out of the school grounds with his bike. 

The next day, Hinata doesn’t show up to practice. There was definitely tension in the team when their ball of energy wasn’t in the court, screaming and bouncing and just doing whatever Hinata does when he’s excited. The day after that, Nishinoya and Asahi asked for him in Hinata’s classroom but his classmate said that he was absent. Both of them looked at each other with worry in their faces, something definitely isn’t adding up. Hinata never got sick. The small boy seemed to be immune to almost anything, scurrying around without his jacket in winter or skipping out dinner when he insists to stay late practicing. 

Then the day after that, the whole team felt relieved when a striking clump of orange hair was spotted at the doorway after everyone was about to get started with practice. They were even more relieved when their spiker stepped in with his trademark smile that extends from ear to ear. His teammates gathered around him and Hinata was bombarded with questions on why he was absent for two days straight. 

“You got us really worried there, Hinata,” Tanaka said as he hit the boy hard on the back. “Why were you gone for so long anyway?”

“I had a migraine,” Hinata said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But everything’s fine now. I can do my best again!”

“Are you sure?” Daichi asked. “It’s fine if you sit it out again this practice. You might push yourself too hard.”

“I’m sure.”

Practice continued like the usual after that. Kageyama was still bothered at what happened two days before and kept glancing at Hinata from time to time. The orange-haired teen was acting like it never happened in the first place. It was a total shift from his brooding mood then, he was supposed to be the moody one between the two, right? 

“Oi, Hinata,” Kageyama asked while tossing the ball across. “What was that last Tuesday?”

“Huh?” Hinata asked after spiking the ball across the net. “What was what? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just toss the ball again.”

Kageyama scoffed at Hinata’s dismissive tone. It was like the smaller boy was toying with his emotions. He couldn’t sleep properly that Tuesday night when Hinata lashed out on him. He looked like Kageyama did something unforgivable, just remembering the glare sent shivers down his spine. It wasn’t the kind of anger directed towards him then they were bickering with each other. 

“Hinata look out!”

Before any of them saw what happened, a loud slapping noise echoed through the walls. Immediately, Asahi screeched out a long string of incoherent apologies and almost looked like he’d chuck himself out of a window because of guilt. Sugawara went and helped Hinata stand up but the boy was curled into a ball and clutched his head as he whimpered in pain. It was almost the most pitiful sight that Kageyama saw him in. 

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad,” Tsukishima scoffed. 

“Tsuki,” Yamaguchi chided. 

Kageyama gathered his wits again and walked closer to Hinata who was still clutching his head in agony. 

“You idiot,” Kageyama growled. “You still have a migraine. Why would you attend practice when you’re still sick?”

The rest of the team only realized it when Kageyama pointed it out. Asahi felt even more crushed at the fact that he only amplified Hinata’s migraine while Nishinoya rubbed his back and reassured him that it was going to be okay. Sugawara started barking orders at the others to get Hinata to the clinic. 

Hinata’s arm was clinging on Kageyama for support as they headed towards the clinic. Hinata’s face was pale, almost as if he was on the brink of collapsing. His eyes were wet and he was breathing heavily. He looked feverish and kept whimpering and muttering the same words like a mantra. 

“It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.”

“I know,” Kageyama mumbled. “We’re near. Just hold on.”

“I wanna go back,” Hinata whimpered. “Take me back, Bakayama. Where are you taking me? They’re just going to make me lie down for hours in the clinic.”

“News flash, dumbass, that’s where you’re supposed to be right now,” Kageyama hissed. “Just shut up. You’re going to rest or else I’ll make you grateful that you only have a migraine for now.”

When they got there the nurse made Hinata lie down on one of the beds and closed the curtain around them. Kageyama stayed since he doesn’t trust Hinata to just stay still for hours. Hinata lies down on his side, his back turned to him. Kageyama taps his foot in irritation and they stayed like that until a few minutes later when he heard sniffling and heavy breaths. 

“Are you—“

“Kageyama,” Hinata’s voice cracks. “I don't want to get left behind.”

“Oi, are you stupid?” he asked after processing what the orange-haired boy said. “No one’s told you that. Stop making things up, dumbass. Didn’t I tell you that you’re going to be the best as long as I’m with you? Now stop being such a crybaby.”

“Then I’ll have no choice, do I?” Hinata suddenly sat up and got unnecessarily close to Kageyama’s face. The dark-haired boy suddenly feels warmth creeping up to his face. “I’ll just have to follow you around. Up until nationals. Up until college. Didn’t you say you wanted to go international too? I’ll just follow you to your grave.”

“You really lost your mind! Stop saying such nonsense and go rest up already,” after that Kageyama walked out of the clinic to resume practice. 

He would later go back to walk Hinata home, he insisted that the reason was the orange-haired boy might collapse in the middle of biking his way back to his house. He was totally not concerned. At least that’s what he kept telling himself then. 

———————

**Sugawara added Daichi and 6 others to the group chat.**

**Dadchi** : what’s this about?

 **Baldie** : ooooh, a smaller group chat within a group chat 

**Sugamama** : You guys… I think we have to start talking about the elephant in the room. 

**Liberolling thunder** : I told you someone saw us @Asahi 

**Receding Hairline** : I’m sorry I forgot to lock the door  
;((((

 **Receding Hairline** : hey! My hairline isn’t receding 

>:(((

**Sugamama** : wtf!!! That’s not what this is about 

**Sugamama** : Also who changed the nicknames!!!!!!

 **Dadchi** : is this about 

**Emoyama** : that stupid orange head 

**Four eyes** : let him be. I haven’t tasted sweet silence for months. 

**Simp for 4eyes** : tsuki cut him some slack

 **Sugamama** : have you guys noticed?? He seems down these past few days 

**Daichi** : like something’s bothering him 

**Emoyama** : he cried in front of me. Twice this week. 

**Sugamama** : what!? Why didnt you tell us earlier!!!

 **Emoyama** : I thought he didn’t want you guys to know. But it’s becoming concerning now. 

**Baldie** : he doesn’t return my hi-fives anymore 

**Liberolling thunder** : and he doesn’t cheer for me when I do my ultimate moves anymore 

**Receding Hairline** : how bout we do something to cheer him up??? >3<

**Dadchi** : that sounds like a good idea 

**Sugamama** : a surprise then??? Maybe a goodie bag and some heartfelt messages 

**Four eyes** : i feel like im being tortured 

———————

The weekend passed by as they planned out what to do to surprise Hinata. Shimizu and Yachi pitched in by buying a baby blue, velvet pouch while the team members each bought a snack that they thought Hinata would like. Yachi’s good handwriting came in handy when she wrote down the short messages that the team members wanted to say to Hinata. Nishinoya and Tanaka ate the supposed candy bars they were supposed to put in the pouch before Sugawara nagged them to stop eating it. 

Kageyama was given the role as the one who’d distract Hinata and make sure he was the last one to arrive at the gym. Before they cud step inside, Kageyama pulled him back by the back of his shirt. 

“Hinata,” he gulped. “I don’t know whatever it is that you’re going through, but you don’t have to keep it to yourself. You have us.” 

Hinata looked at him with wide eyes at first then his lips quivered as he looked away from Kageyama. He didn’t know what made him do it but he gave the orange-haired boy a light pat on the head. After a pause, he tugged him inside so Hinata could see what the team prepared for him. 

Everyone stopped their chatter as the two entered the gym, all of them stared at Hinata with smiles on their faces. 

“You guys, what…” Hinata seemed at a loss for words when he saw everyone gathered in front of him. 

“Hinata, this week has been tough on you hasn’t it?” Shimizu said. “Everyone’s been worried.”

“Here you go, Hinata,” Yachi said as she handed the baby blue pouch and a rolled up parchment tied with a red ribbon. “All of us pitched in for this. We hope you’ll get better soon.”

“Don’t read the letter in front of us,” Tsukishima muttered. “It’s embarrassing.”

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t have to say that, Tsuki,” Yamaguchi chided. 

“Thank you,” they’ve never seen their little ball of energy this shaken up. “Everyone— you guys… All of you went through so much trouble for me. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry? It’s okay, Hinata,” Sugawara went to his side and rubbed circles on his back. 

“Be—because I can’t,” Hinata’s lips quiver, his voice trembling. He struggled to get the words out. Everyone’s gaze felt like it was leaving a burn on his skin. “I can’t play volleyball anymore.”

Kageyama wasn’t sure if it was only him, but time stopped for a while after those words were uttered. Hinata looks defeated. If you were to make Kageyama describe the spiker, “defeated” was going to be the last word in his list. It looked as if he was carrying mountains of burden under his shoulders. Since when did the light in his eyes dull out like that? Was he ever this still and immobile? Did he always look this fragile? Question after question sprung out in his head. 

“Hinata,” Daichi approached the next words he was going to say with caution. “What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t— it just— it started with this headache. And mom said things like migraine— I don’t even know what that meant at first. Then— then,” it was painful to see the small boy forcing out the words. He was a sobbing mess. The explanation pouring out in choppy sentences. “We– we went to the doctor. He said, he told me— I was so confused the whole time. He said things like something growing and s-spreading in my brain. A-and he showed me this picture of my brain and pointed things out. I-I couldn’t u-understand…”

He kept on trying to string sentences together, his voice cracking and starting to get incomprehensible. Kageyama drowned out the rest of his spiker’s words as he started to put two and two together. A picture of a vulnerable Hinata in a hospital room flashed before his eyes, at his most vulnerable state. He couldn’t explain the ringing in his ears as he stood there frozen as he stared at the smaller boy. Everyone else was going to Hinata’s side, comforting him whilst they themselves were a complete trainwreck of emotions. 

Their practice didn’t resume. Daichi decided to call it a day since it just didn’t feel right to continue things as they were. Without saying any words to each other, there was a silent agreement between them that Kageyama would walk Hinata to his house again. Everything about Hinata used to be loud, even his footsteps, he always knew the smaller teen was approaching him without looking because he has one of the heaviest footsteps out of all the people he know. Not this time, though. He had to glance beside him from time to time to make sure that Hinata was still there. 

“Do you want to stay by the porch?” Hinata was hesitant, tight-lipped as he avoided Kageyama’s gaze. He just nodded as a response to the sudden request. 

Hinata sat down by the steps of their front porch. Kageyama does the same. He decided to close the gap between them and scoots further until their knees are touching each other. No one spoke for a while. He doesn’t remember a time when they were like this, not after each other’s throats. He leans back and rests his weight on his arms. Hinata makes some space then rests his head on Kageyama’s thighs. 

“Kageyama,” his name was spoken gently. Hinata closes his eyes. “Have you always been this warm?” 

There was no answer in his end. The person on his lap was different from the ecstatic and annoying spiker who always begged for his toss. He looked peaceful. 

They stayed like that for hours until Natsu peeked out the window and tells her mom that her big brother was home.


	2. Chapter 2

Eventually. A word that Hinata hated. You’ll weaken eventually. You’ll lose your balance eventually. You’ll forget things here and there eventually. Volleyball is a sport of uncertainty and surprises, but outside of the game, those two aspects are what keeps Hinata awake at night. He doesn’t go and wander out of his room anymore at night, in fear that he might see his mom or Natsu crying because of him. He doesn’t practice himself until his joints start to hurt anymore so he couldn’t count how many sleepless nights he’s had. 

He took his phone from the bedside table, his eyes taking seconds before getting used to the light. In his dim-lit room, he started to text Kageyama. 

**Hinata | 12:01**  
Oi, Kageyama… do you want to go buy xmas gifts tomorrow?

**Kageyama | 12:03**  
Ok. 

**Hinata | 12:03**  
Why are you still awake? Aren’t you supposed to be tired from all that practice? 

**Kageyama | 12:05**  
Can’t sleep. 

**Hinata | 12:05**  
Stop texting me and close your eyes! 

**Kageyama | 12:07**  
I know how sleep works, moron. YOU go to sleep. 

Hinata frowned at his phone and closed it. So far Kageyama was the only one who treated him like nothing happened. Everyone else has been doting and overly-concerned about him. It was as if they were expecting him to collapse out of the blue. Even Tsukishima who’s been hurling insults at him since day one suddenly stopped. No one’s bothering him except for that pain-in-the-ass setter. 

Whenever he stands by the gym entrance, some of the members greet him but he notices the flash of remorse in their faces after putting up a strained smile. Hinata sometimes wondered what they talk about behind his back? He doesn’t want to be pitied everyday. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. 

He didn’t want to burst anyone’s bubble so instead of consoling with someone, he turned to online community forums. There was a website of threads with terminally ill patients talking to each other. Reading the topics felt like someone punched him in the gut. Despite that he still landed on the specific forum with people who have the same disease. 

Turns out reading the forum brought justice as to why he has been moody everyday— crying at one point and then being really energetic the next instant. Maybe it was also the reason why he lashed out on Kageyama back then. It doesn’t matter now though. His problems then were shallow compared to the burden that he was carrying this time. He missed the days when the only thing plaguing his mind was related to volleyball. 

**captainfluff started the thread:**   
_I’m scared of having gaps in my memory_

_Hello there. I was diagnosed a year ago with a brain tumor. I think you guys already know this but we go through behavioral changes and doing some irrational things. But what really concerns me is the memory thing. I go through episodes where I appear to be in a haze and forget where I was and who I was with. Or sometimes it’s like a big part of my memory has been erased and it takes a while for me to snap out of it._

_My sister advised me to keep a journal. Write down everything that’s been happening to me. Write about the people I love so that something reminds me whenever I go through those episodes. I’m only sharing this to you guys because maybe you might find it useful. I definitely find it useful._

———————  
In the busy sidewalk by the mall, Hinata ran up to the setter and slapped his lower back as a sneak attack. The raven-haired teen yelped as the slap sent ripples of pain to spread out in his body. He later on got his revenge when he punched the smaller teen’s arm. 

“Let’s go buy a notebook first,” Hinata said as he beamed at Kageyama. 

“So you finally decided to buy a notebook one semester in,” Kageyama smirked. 

“Hey! You’re one to talk,” Hinata scoffed. “This is for something different. I’m going to make a journal. So… so I could remember all of you when my brain goes haywire. Remember? I have—“

“You don’t have to remind me about that. Let’s just go.”

He was surprised he enjoyed the company of his setter outside of volleyball. Hinata didn’t know they’d end up as good friends— does Kageyama think the same?— with the hot blooded player. He’s a surprisingly good listener despite how loud his voice gets when he’s bickering with Hinata or barking orders at him. He’s also almost always serious but Hinata can see through the cracks sometimes. Kageyama doesn’t know what to do with his face whenever Hinata compliments him genuinely. It’s easy to perceive him as a character who jumps from being stoic to angry but Hinata thinks there’s more to him than that. 

“What about this one?” Hinata picked up a plain brown notebook. 

“That’s okay I guess.”

“Kinda reminds me of you,” Hinata muttered. “Plain and boring.”

“What did you just say?” the taller teen exclaimed as he glared down at Hinata. He just scoffed and dismissed the comment thrown his way. “What are you going to write in this journal anyway?” 

“It’s going to be about you guys,” Hinata said. “One of the s-symptoms I’m going to have is forgetting stuff. So, yeah…” 

Kageyama ruffles his hair again. Hinata felt heat coming up to his face as he stared at the setter’s face, he looked conflicted— but what for? His hand was warm against Hinata’s head. Just when Kageyama was about to stop his mindless head-patting when the smaller teen reached up and continued to plant his hand between tangles of orange locks. Hinata looked like he was in cloud nine, he almost seemed like a puppy to Kageyama with his imaginary tail wagging behind him in delight. 

After they noticed that they were starting to garner the attention of people passing by, they headed to an accessory shop. Hinata decided to buy keychains and good-luck charms for everyone in the team. Kageyama helped him pick the accessories which was not as helpful as Hinata thought because their taste clashed everytime they were about to buy something for each member. They exited the shop with a sulking Kageyama because the smaller teen just bought everything according to what he thought was to the liking of each player. 

“Kageyama, look,” Hinata pointed somewhere across the shop they were just in. “A photobooth. Let’s take a picture together.”

Kageyama didn’t know how to respond as he was flustered. He remembered when someone told him that photo booths were a couple’s thing. He almost rejected Hinata because his flight-or-fight response was triggered but the puppy eyes stopped him from doing so. 

“It’ll look so good in my journal,” he practically begged Kageyama. 

“Fine,” Kageyama tried to respond as nonchalantly as he could. “You owe me a lot now.”

The orange-haired boy comically leaped in joy. Kageyama wanted to hide his face in his hands. This was slowly becoming a date. Or maybe it already was. Either way, Hinata stays oblivious to the sudden tension within Kageyama. 

The inside of the photobooth was cramped, which was obvious seeing it from the outside. Before they started clicking on the options of the screen, it showed pictures of previous couples who’ve used it. As their shoulders touched, Kageyama’s head went blank and he could feel his heartbeat ringing through his ears. He looked at Hinata whose eyes weren’t even on him, he was looking at the screen and already posing with that blinding smile. 

God, that smile. He hasn’t seen it that much this week. Hinata never seemed to notice when Kageyama looked at him in awe. There was something different about his smile that just leaves you staring at him for a while. He was the sun personified. The reason why Icarus plummeted to the ocean. He shook his thoughts away. What was he being so poetic about? 

Before the first round of pictures, Hinata suddenly grabbed Kageyama’s arm and snuggled it. He made a peace sign at the camera and told Kageyama to do the same. He did so, hesitantly. He tried smiling but it just looked like he was trying to intimidate someone. 

“Kageyama, I don’t care anymore. It feels like I’m on the edge everyday, so I’ll just do my best to live everyday to the fullest,” Hinata whispered. His smile became different. It was the kind of smile a person wears when they’re at peace with something. 

“What got you sentimental all of a sudden?” Kageyama asked. 

“Well, after that visit to the doctor I figured things will never be the same after that,” Hinata said. “Not because I’m going to mope the whole time after knowing about the brain tumor. It’s going to be different because I’m going to spend my days wisely from now on.”

“Then let’s,” he paused for a while. Kageyama felt like he was melting. Melting in the middle of winter. “Let’s make more memories for your journal. I’m going to make sure those pages are filled with happy memories.”

“Bakayama, that was so corny,” Hinata giggled. Kageyama took a note that he made Hinata fucking giggle. There was no room inside the booth so he could see every detail of Hinata’s eyes. They had a gleam in them. Or maybe it was just the light coming off of the screen. “Hey, did you know…”

“Know what?”

“I like you, Kageyama.”

Kageyama froze. He looked away from Hinata, more of the eye contact and he would’ve completely gone soft like butter. Is that possible? To just slowly turn into goo because of someone looking at you like how Hinata looked at him? 

“Tsk, that’s stupid,” Kageyama mumbled. “I like you too, stupid Hinata.”

“Not like that,” Hinata shook his head. “I like like you. More than a friend. You’re the only one who didn’t treat me differently when I told everyone that I’m sick. When I’m with you, the pain in my chest goes away and I forget about it for a while.”

“But— I don’t get it,” Kageyama muttered.

“What isn’t there to get? Don’t think about it too much or you might get a fever,” Hinata laughed nervously. “I just thought of telling you even though you probably don’t like me back i-in that— that way. Besides, it’s not like i’m ruining anything. I’m not in the team after a—“

“Hinata, listen,” Kageyama interrupted Hinata’s rambling. “I like you too. In that way.”

Kageyama didn’t know someone could turn that deep shade of red in a span of seconds, but then again he probably looked the same. Hinata’s breath quickened and he was fidgeting with the zipper of his coat. 

“Hinata, say it again.”

“H-huh?”

“Say that you like me again.”

“I like you.”

“Again.”

“I like you, Kageyama.”

“I like you too, Hinata.”

“O-oh the um— the photo finished developing,” Hinata said as he pulled out the photo. “Look at us. We— we look so cute together.”

“Yeah.”

Hinata laughed as he ran his hand on the picture. Kageyama’s heart skipped a beat when he heard Hinata laugh like that. 

“Why are you laughing?” he asked Hinata. 

“I— I don’t know,” Hinata puts the picture in between the pages of the notebook that he just bought. “You just agreed that we look cute together.”

They went out of the photobooth that time looking flushed. It was supposedly cold since winter had just started but Kageyama and Hinata both felt a lingering heat in their faces. 

“Kageyama, look,” Hinata said as he opened up his palm and looked up. A lone snowflake made its way down to his hand. “It’s snowing.”

Kageyama does the same and tries to catch a snowflake for himself. He looked around him and people all around the sidewalk were just as amused, their phones whipped out to take pictures of the first snowfall that winter. 

“Do you know what they say about the first snowfall?” Hinata asked as he looked up at Kageyama with a serene smile. Kageyama shook his head. “They say when you spend it with the person you like you’re supposed to be soulmates.”

“Then that means you’re stuck with me.”

“Yeah,” Hinata chuckled. “I guess so.” 

People like them were also stuck in their places, mesmerized by the first snowfall of the year. Since everyone was too captivated and were looking up in amusement, Kageyama decided it wouldn’t be a big deal if he snuck his hand around Hinata’s. 

They stayed in the comfort of each other under the snowfall, perhaps way longer than necessary.


	3. Chapter 3

“...will have to go through surgery.” 

Every sound was muffled out before those last few words from the doctor. Hinata didn’t like listening through his general check-ups because the doctor’s monotone voice made everything even more depressing. A lot of jargon and technical words would be thrown at him, he’d rather just listen to the gist of it later when he asks his mom. But this time it wasn’t the case. He finally snapped out of his daze when he heard those words.

Surgery. He’s scared out of his wits. 

“This is actually a good thing,” the doctor said. “We don’t want the tumor growing even further. We shouldn’t wait until it’s inoperable.” 

Hinata would never admit it to his mom and Natsu but he cried again for the upteenth time that night. 

**Hinata | 10:37**  
Can you come over tomorrow? 

**Kageyama | 10:37**  
Yeah, okay. What’s wrong?

**Hinata | 10:38**  
Nothing’s wrong. What made you think something was wrong?

**Kageyama | 10:40**  
Idk… you sound different. 

**Hinata | 10:41**  
Bakageyama, nothing’s wrong. 

**Kageyama | 10:42**  
Fine. 

**Hinata | 10:45**  
Just come over after school >:((((

Hinata fell asleep on his phone again. The next day, he went on with his routine which means not listening to the lessons, going to the gym to watch his team practice, buying milk for Kageyama so he could have it during their breaks. Kageyama must’ve noticed that Hinata fidgeted around more than the usual. He knew Hinata was a big ball of energy but something about the way he couldn’t stay still made him look weary. 

“Kageyama, you’ve seen people with terminal illness, right?” Hinata asked, they’re arms were touching each other as they walked up the hill to his house. 

“Why are you asking weird questions? Yours isn’t terminal,” Kageyama scoffed. 

“Yeah. The doctor said as long as they put me on surgery, that wouldn’t be the case.”

Kageyama stopped in his tracks which made Hinata do the same. He had an unreadable expression on his face that made the smaller teen want to figure out what’s in Kageyama’s mind that time. 

“Well, are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Going through surgery?”

“Yeah.”

Silence followed after. Kageyama, who lacked the skills to comfort someone, tried to construct and reconstruct sentences in his mind. Hinata didn’t look like he was expecting something from the raven-haired teen though. He just wanted to say it to someone else outside of his family and Kageyama was the first person in his mind. 

“It’s okay, Kageyama. You don’t have to baby me like the others,” Hinata muttered. “I just wanted you to be the first one to know— other than Natsu and mom.”

Kageyama didn’t talk much after that. He just took Hinata’s hand and intertwined it with his. Only their footsteps against the pavement could be heard. But to Hinata he could also hear his heartbeat racing at the thought of Kageyama holding his hand and going to his house. 

“Nii-chan is here!” Natsu yelped before Hinata could even say it. “Who’s that with you, nii-chan?”

“Natsu, this is Kageyama. He’s my—“ Hinata paused for a second. What was Kageyama to him? They haven’t established anything yet. “A friend of mine.”

As expected, Kageyama was awkward around kids. There were several moments where Hinata found himself trying very hard to stop himself from laughing. Natsu carried the whole conversation with Kageyama just giving short responses. Deep inside, the raven-haired teen was panicking. 

Before Kageyama could suffer any longer, Hinata finally told Natsu that they’ll be in his room doing some “important stuff”. Hinata could hear the sigh of relief that Kageyama released when they finally entered his room. 

“So why did you call me over?”

Suddenly, Hinata covered his face with his hands. Kageyama knew he was blushing since the red tone reached his ears. 

“It’s embarrassing. Let me just prepare myself,” Hinata whined. 

“Eh? Stop being an idiot and just say it,” Kageyama huffed. Hinata shook his head a few times then took a deep breath. 

“I’m…” Kageyama couldn’t hear the rest of Hinata’s words. He was barely whispering at that point. He had to nag the orange-haired teen to speak up. “I’ll have to shave my head.”

Hinata couldn’t take any more of the embarrassment and jumped on his bed. He covered his head with his pillow and fumbled around much to Kageyama’s irritation. There was a pause before he felt the weight of Kageyama as he sat down beside him. 

“Hey, talk to me,” Kageyama held Hinata’s arm and gently removed his grasp from the pillow. He chucked the pillow far from Hinata and looked at the teen with a serene face. 

“I’m getting a surgery, right?” Hinata said as the other teen nodded. “So obviously I’ll have to shave everything and go bald.” 

“Is that all? What are you so worried about? It’s necessary for your operation,” Kageyama said. “I thought you’d be more nervous about the surgery.”

“I am! But I just can’t imagine myself going bald!” the teen exclaimed as the waterworks finally broke out and left the teen sobbing. “I never went bald before. I’m sure it’d look ugly. And my head isn’t symmetrical. I’d look like an egg!”

Kageyama stopped himself from laughing, concerned that the smaller teen would have a breakdown if he did. He ran his hands through Hinata’s hair and let him finish crying. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Kageyama whispered. “You’d look fine. And I’m sure the surgery would turn out well.”

Hinata was still crying but he was holding it back this time. His breath falters here and there. He’s still sniffling and wiping the tears away. He only nodded at what Kageyama said. Kageyama lied down next to Hinata this time. Their faces were close to one another, he could almost count the colors in the smaller teen’s eyes. 

“If you’re really that worried about your appearance,” Kageyama said. “I’ll make sure no one laughs at you or looks at you weirdly. I’ll beat them up.”

“You can’t go around getting in trouble for me,” Hinata scooched closer to Kageyama and buried his head in the other’s chest. “Oi, Kageyama.”

“Hm?”

“Are we… are we dating?” 

“Eh? We are?” Kageyama said sarcastically as he drew circles around Hinata’s back. 

“Tsk, stop joking around,” Hinata huffed as he sat up. “I could call you my boyfriend, right?”

Kageyama looked at him in shock. Hinata could see his pupils dilate, a moment he could’ve missed if he wasn’t staring intensely at Kageyama. 

“Y-yeah, you can call me that,” Kageyama coughed. “Why not?”

“Ah! Then— then I should get a kiss from you before I shave my head and become ugly,” Hinata nodded to himself. “Yeah, that’s right. It’s not gonna be long before you couldn’t kiss this cute face anymore. You’ll have to bear with kissing an egg afterwards.”

Kageyama chuckled as Hinata mumbled to himself. He grabbed Hinata’s arm and pulled him close to his face. Hinata’s yelp was cut short when their lips met, the smaller teen on top of Kageyama who was still lying down. Hinata came off a bit more enthusiastic as he thought when another short kiss followed after their first. Then another and another, and another one again before Hinata finally stopped. 

“Kageyama, I didn’t invite you here just for that,” Hinata said as he sat up again.

“So we’re not making out?” Kageyama asked to Hinata’s surprise. 

“W-well! Maybe. I don’t know. We’ll talk about that later,” Hinata stuttered out. “But I’m actually cutting my hair today. Can you help me?”

Of course Kageyama agreed. Which was why they were both standing in front of the bathroom mirror. Hinata borrowed his dad’s razor and a pair of scissors from Natsu. Hinata looked distraught as Kageyama looked at his face in the mirror. A few seconds later and he was trembling as he held the scissors tightly in his hands. 

“We’re not getting anywhere. I’ll do it,” Kageyama said as he took the scissors in the smaller teen’s hand. 

Hinata only managed to whisper out a timid “okay” as Kageyama decided which part of his hair to cut off first. At the first snipping sound of the scissors, Hinata closed his eyes tight. He was trembling in fear as he tried not to imagine Kageyama cutting his hair short. 

He didn’t want to cry again since that’s all he’s been doing recently. Instead, he continued to close his eyes and clench the sink. His breath came out ragged. What was Kageyama going to say after all this was finished? Will he look at Hinata differently? So many things ran across Hinata’s mind. 

He finally felt the scraping of the razor on his head. It was starting. Later on his head will be smoothed out, free of all the hair he didn’t even cut once a month before. He was scared of opening his eyes and seeing a different person. He heard that most people changed when they were diagnosed with a tumor. What if he becomes a stranger to himself? 

There’s too many things changing in his life. He couldn’t keep up. 

“Done,” Kageyama muttered. “Hinata, you can open your eyes now.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Shh,” Kageyama hushed him because Hinata was whimpering before the smaller teen even noticed. “It’s okay. You look the same.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you are.”

“Liar.”

“To me you look the same.”

“To you.”

“Yeah. And that’s what matters,” Kageyama said as he placed a chaste kiss on Hinata’s head. “Nothing’s changed.”

Hinata finally opened his eyes. He looked at himself before he gave a deep, forlorn sigh. Kageyama placed kisses on Hinata’s head until the smaller teen finally showed a hint of a smile. 

Kageyama left Hinata’s house after having dinner with his family. As he suspected, being talkative ran in the family. Hinata’s mom interviewed him as if they were filling out a scrapbook. Natsu shared what happened to her that day in school with matching sound effects. 

He didn’t go straight home that night. Instead he went and tried to find several balls of yarn and other knitting materials. He didn’t want to have Hinata feel so exposed and vulnerable the next day at school. 

He spent all night trying to learn how to knit by browsing through several videos on the internet. He knew buying a beanie would’ve been much more convenient and easier for him but his stubbornness took over. 

In his line of thinking, a boyfriend does extra efforts for their significant other. There was no effort in going to a store and simply buying a beanie. He wanted to make one and see the gleam in his boyfriend’s eyes when he sees what he made for Hinata. 

It took longer than he expected. The idea started to get foolish when the clock struck at midnight. He started to pick up the pace but it resulted to him losing sense of the pattern and leaving a few gaps in the beanie. 

Hours of knitting became a long episode of Kageyama getting frustrated and almost crying in exhaustion. He wanted to bite his hand off for being so unskilled in things other than volleyball. 

With dark circles slowly forming in his eyes and an aching lower back, he finally finished. His hands ended up with blisters after knitting nonstop for hours. That was too bad. As the prodigy setter that people knew of him, he always took care of his hands more than the average person. But it was for Hinata so it didn’t matter to him that his hands were going numb. 

He barely had any sleep. He was so exhausted when he woke up that morning and felt really sluggish. If someone told him before that he’d pour this much attention and focus on something other than volleyball he would’ve laughed at their face. But this was the present and he now has a boyfriend to take care of. 

Before going to school he texted Hinata to wait for him before entering the school gate. He quickly made his way to school as to not keep Hinata waiting for long. When he got there, he saw Hinata playing with the strings of his hoodie. He looked timid, like he wanted to disappear, to not show his face to anyone in the school. 

Kageyama gave a vicious glare to the people who stared longer than necessary at Hinata, some of which were his classmates. 

“Hinata, did you wait long?” Kageyama asked. Hinata lit up when he finally saw his boyfriend. 

“No, I just arrived as well.”  


Hinata looked up Kageyama with a hint of a blush on his face. Not too long after, he finally noticed a worse case of eyebags on his boyfriend’s face. 

“Did you get some sleep? Why do you look so tired?”

“It’s because I made something for you,” Kageyama said as he fished for the beanie in his bag. 

He was almost embarrassed to give it to Hinata. Seeing it now in broad daylight, the flaws were even more obvious. His tiredness from last night made it seem like he was doing the right thing. Now, he could see how the knitting was inconsistent when he finally showed it to Hinata. 

“Here you go,” Kageyama handed it to Hinata. The beanie was a deep shade of red, he also made sure it was at least the correct size as he tried it on again and again last night. 

“You… you made this? For me?” Hinata asked in a high-pitched voice. His lower lip started to tremble and he looked at the red beanie like it was the most perfect one he’s had. “Kageyama, why?”

“I figured you’d get insecure if you go around school without one,” Kageyama muttered as he took the beanie from Hinata and helped him wear it. It hugged Hinata’s head perfectly. 

He almost fell when Hinata attacked him with a sudden tight hug. People who were entering the school gate were staring even more but Kageyama gave them a silent warning by glaring daggers at them again as the smaller teen hugged him. 

“You’re the best boyfriend ever,” Hinata’s voice was muffled as he continued embracing Kageyama. 

“It’s nothing. Let’s go before the gate closes on us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Samson by regina spektor while writing this so yeah maybe i teared up a bit

**Author's Note:**

> I think you guys already know who is who in their group chat. Unless you don’t??? Then I’ll have to edit in a guide. Suga uses exclamation points a lot because he’s big gay.


End file.
